I have my plans and others have their plans. I do get upset when other people mess up their plans and this impacts my own plans. It’s tougher when I then find myself in a position where I have to make a choice that disadvantages me. I wrote about Money Boundaries some days ago and now I am confronted with applying these boundaries and I’m struggling with what to do.
I got a call from a family member two days ago which concluded with an urgent request for financial support. The financial support was a time bound immediate need and I informed the person I do not have any money available to render such support. It was £3,000 that was requested as a short term loan. Even if I had the money to give there is a high risk I do not get paid back or it takes a long time for me to get the payback. As soon as I was done with the conversation, I called my Mum who I was sure is already aware of this ask. My Mum informed she tried to contact me the previous day but I did not pick up her calls. This was true as I was in a full day workshop and too tired by end of day to call back.
The same individual had called my Mum and expressed they plan to reach out to me for financial support. I asked my Mum a lot of questions to get more context on the situation. Why is this urgent? The individual had not planned ahead for their work permit renewal which is why the money was needed. Why was this not planned ahead? They were paying down an existing debt linked to work permit and study cost and was not able to save up for the upcoming renewal. Is there nobody else that can provide them with the loan? They are already indebted to the other alternatives and not able to increase their exposure at this point. What is the risk to not loaning out the money? They may have to leave their current country of residence as they wouldn’t be able renew their residence permit. What are the alternatives? There is none currently.
After speaking with my Mum, I felt trapped. I do not want to be the reason someone needs to change their life plans and at the same time I felt utterly blindsided. This is not a surprise so the individual could have reorganised their finances to be able to cover this cost. Additionally, they have known for awhile and could have preinformed me so I also organise my finances accordingly to support. Calling me out of the blue for a a substantial amount to me and expecting me to have it available is a long reach. I am highly conflicted with sticking to my money boundaries and going back to what I did in the past and discomforting myself to support others.
The last statement I made to my Mum was “Why should I be responsible for this?”. Really why should I and how do I deal with this. Despite already informing the individual I have no money, I know they have no alternative and need to make the payment by end of the month. I need to work through my feelings and make a decision that prioritises me. I do not want to have any resentment this year so it’s important I make choices that enables that no matter how uncomfortable it feels.